Within An Instant

Within an instant your entire life can change. Your dreams, your hopes, your plans, your expectations; they can all vanish before your very eyes. H and I went to the doctor for our first appointment yesterday. I had secretly hoped for our first scan, and now looking back on the events that transpired I wish I hadn't hoped for a scan at all.

It's difficult for me to describe what happened, but just know that at that very moment we lost our baby. During the first in office scan, the baby's heartbeat was barely detectable but it there was one. By the time we took the second scan, the baby's heartbeat had stopped. Our baby died at the very moment we thought we were going to be celebrating its new life. The doctor said "in all of my twenty plus years, this is the first I've experienced the transition to a miscarriage." There is so much more that could be said, but words escape me. I know for sure this is not what we imagined, but somehow this is what was meant to be.