Thursday, August 28, 2008

Within An Instant

Within an instant your entire life can change. Your dreams, your hopes, your plans, your expectations; they can all vanish before your very eyes. H and I went to the doctor for our first appointment yesterday. I had secretly hoped for our first scan, and now looking back on the events that transpired I wish I hadn't hoped for a scan at all.

It's difficult for me to describe what happened, but just know that at that very moment we lost our baby. During the first in office scan, the baby's heartbeat was barely detectable but it there was one. By the time we took the second scan, the baby's heartbeat had stopped. Our baby died at the very moment we thought we were going to be celebrating its new life. The doctor said "in all of my twenty plus years, this is the first I've experienced the transition to a miscarriage." There is so much more that could be said, but words escape me. I know for sure this is not what we imagined, but somehow this is what was meant to be.



Anonymous JJinAZ said...

I just started reading blogs in general about 2 months ago. I was attracted to your blog because I am TTC and your blog seems more real (if that makes sense?) than others I've read.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wanted you to a know that I'm thinking about you two - even though I'm here in AZ and we've never met.

August 28, 2008 at 5:51 PM  
Blogger N said...

I'm so sorry.

August 28, 2008 at 6:55 PM  
Blogger Travelher and Pufferfish said...

We have related to each other on so many levels along this path of TTC and I'm feeling your very real pain. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this and while my circumstances are different-I think I have a pretty good idea of what that loss feels like. Big hugs. xoxo

August 28, 2008 at 7:49 PM  
Anonymous vee said...

I'm so sorry. I wish there were words I could leave here to take away some of the awfulness.

August 29, 2008 at 6:40 AM  
Blogger nutella said...

Oh, I am so so sorry. My heart goes out to you and I hope that you can support one another through this tragedy.

August 29, 2008 at 8:03 AM  
Anonymous Erin said...

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you. I wanted to send you a private message as well - will you please email me: oceandreamerblog AT gmail DOT com

August 29, 2008 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger Heidi said...

Oh honey. I am so terribly sorry. Many hugs and lots of love for you both.

August 29, 2008 at 2:37 PM  
OpenID insertmetaphor said...

Oh, I'm so, so sorry. What a heart breaking moment you described. There are no words.

September 3, 2008 at 12:36 PM  
Blogger Isn't it pretty to think so said...

so very deeply sorry for your loss.

September 3, 2008 at 12:43 PM  

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