Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Wishin' and Hopin'

I think I should stop reading all the TTC blog stories...they're starting to freak me out! I have waves of panic throughout the day, when I think about all the different stories I've read. Some of the stories are funny, some are happy, and some are down right sad! I've been trying not to think too much about the "bad" stuff, but I will go though phases where that's all I can think about. What if we're not pregnant? What if we are and we lose the baby? All these "what ifs" can't be healthy. I try to dismiss these thoughts as soon as they come into my mind, but then I start to worry that I've thought about them too long and we're doomed! This is crazy! I'm going to go on a blog diet if I don't get a hold of myself.

This TWW stuff is agonizing. I swear I light up like a Christmas tree for every symptom H shares with me. There is a part of me that secretly (I guess it's not a secret anymore) wishes that she would show signs of morning sickness just so I can say, "see it's not PMS!". To make matters worse, we've been analyzing her side profile like crazy. I swear it looks different, but I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. I've been trying to write it off as bloating, but deep down I want it to be the signs of a miracle happening. This may sounds strange but since the moment we committed to having a baby, I've never doubted for a second that it would happen. I think H is tired of me saying "It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when". Yet, as we wait for the cycle due date to come, we've been praying like mad that we'll be one of the lucky ones...that the stories we share will all have happy endings.

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