Home Delivery
9:49 AM: As I write this post, and I'm sitting here waiting for FedEx to deliver our sperm. The specimens were shipped from Austin, TX. on Tuesday and are scheduled for delivery sometime today. I've been excessively tracking the "package" since 5:30 AM this morning. I went to yoga this morning, came home around 8:00 AM and according to the tracking details, it arrived at the Issaquah FedEx facility at 7:30 AM. I could run down the hill and walk back with the 28lb nitrogen tank faster than it's taking for them to drive it up the hill to my house. Of course, I would probably make CNN headline news: "Woman starts carrying baby preconception".
10:05 AM: As I was writing this post, there was a knock at the door! I was so convinced that it was FedEx that I bolted down the stairs, jumped over the baby gate and swung the front door open without looking through the peep hole. There was an elderly woman (probably in her late 70's or early 80's) standing on my doorstep. She's definitely not the FedEx man! This calls for a screenplay of the events that transpired:
A STRANGER WITH NO SPERM by C
C
(looking inquisitively) Hi
Stranger
Are you Donna Mclaughlin?
C
Who?
Stranger
Donna Mclaughlin
C
No. I don't know a Donna.
Stranger
Are you sure?
C raises one of her eyebrows in annoyance
C
Yes, positive. What address are you looking for?
The stranger indicates that she has the directions in her car, in which the front wheel is parked on C's grass. She nearly stumbles to the bottom of the stairs, shuffles through a bunch of papers in her front seat, and pulls out directions from yahoo.
Stranger
(looking over her glasses and pointing to the address on the paper) This is the right address. Are you sure you're not Donna?
Thinking to herself, C wants to say "Look lady, I think I know who I am. I'm not Donna and you're sure as hell not the FedEx man!" but she holds back.
C
I'm sorry, I don't know a Donna in the neighborhood.
Stranger
What should I do? This is where I was told to go. My friend Donna's husband past away before she moved here.
C
Is there someone you can call?
Stranger
I'll have to call my friend
C thought to herself "I hope your friend isn't Donna"
C
Do you have a phone?
The stranger whips open her cardigan to reveal a cellphone strapped to her belt. "Wow! Pretty hip grandma", C thought.
C
Why don't you give your friend a call and see if you have the right address? I'll look up the directions for you.
Stranger
Thank you! Let me call Donna.
C
Did she just say Donna? Okay, sounds good. I'll be inside if you need help.
Stranger
Do you mind if I stay here?
C
No
C watched through the peephole as the stranger got back into her car and dialed her phone. A few minutes later she got out of her car and headed back up the porch. C met the stranger at the front door.
C
Did you get an address?
Stranger
She lives at Providence Place. Do you know where that is?
C
Never heard of it. Do you have an address?
The stranger pointed to the address on the paper and handed it to C. C went back into the house to google her directions. She entered the information into the computer and waited for the directions. It says there's no such address. "Great! Now what am I going to do with her?", C thought. C found Providence Place and printed those directions and took those outside.
C
Well, it says that address doesn't exist. But, I did find Providence Place on the map and printed those directions.
Stranger
Thank you, Sweetheart! You've been so helpful.
C
You're welcome. You should be armed and dangerous now...have fun!
Stranger
I hope God delivers you something special today.
"Oh, he will" C thought! Hopefully a hot FedEx man and a tank full of sperm!
C
Bye now
12:45 PM: Still no FedEx! I've taken the pups out back for a potty break, made lunch (Tomato Soup & A Grilled Cheese Sandwich - YUM!), and have been chatting with my partner, H, while she slaves away at the office. She spent the morning in meetings and now we're chatting about a diaper bag she saw up for auction. Every year our employer holds a Silent Auction, whose proceeds benefit United Way. Items are donated by each department and employees can bid on any item.
1:12 PM: It's here, It's here! So, the FedEx man was not hot, but he was nice enough to carry the tank inside for me. He asked if I was H and then gave me that inquisitive eye when I said "No, but she lives here".
Here is a picture of what the specimens come in:
10:05 AM: As I was writing this post, there was a knock at the door! I was so convinced that it was FedEx that I bolted down the stairs, jumped over the baby gate and swung the front door open without looking through the peep hole. There was an elderly woman (probably in her late 70's or early 80's) standing on my doorstep. She's definitely not the FedEx man! This calls for a screenplay of the events that transpired:
A STRANGER WITH NO SPERM by C
C
(looking inquisitively) Hi
Stranger
Are you Donna Mclaughlin?
C
Who?
Stranger
Donna Mclaughlin
C
No. I don't know a Donna.
Stranger
Are you sure?
C raises one of her eyebrows in annoyance
C
Yes, positive. What address are you looking for?
The stranger indicates that she has the directions in her car, in which the front wheel is parked on C's grass. She nearly stumbles to the bottom of the stairs, shuffles through a bunch of papers in her front seat, and pulls out directions from yahoo.
Stranger
(looking over her glasses and pointing to the address on the paper) This is the right address. Are you sure you're not Donna?
Thinking to herself, C wants to say "Look lady, I think I know who I am. I'm not Donna and you're sure as hell not the FedEx man!" but she holds back.
C
I'm sorry, I don't know a Donna in the neighborhood.
Stranger
What should I do? This is where I was told to go. My friend Donna's husband past away before she moved here.
C
Is there someone you can call?
Stranger
I'll have to call my friend
C thought to herself "I hope your friend isn't Donna"
C
Do you have a phone?
The stranger whips open her cardigan to reveal a cellphone strapped to her belt. "Wow! Pretty hip grandma", C thought.
C
Why don't you give your friend a call and see if you have the right address? I'll look up the directions for you.
Stranger
Thank you! Let me call Donna.
C
Did she just say Donna? Okay, sounds good. I'll be inside if you need help.
Stranger
Do you mind if I stay here?
C
No
C watched through the peephole as the stranger got back into her car and dialed her phone. A few minutes later she got out of her car and headed back up the porch. C met the stranger at the front door.
C
Did you get an address?
Stranger
She lives at Providence Place. Do you know where that is?
C
Never heard of it. Do you have an address?
The stranger pointed to the address on the paper and handed it to C. C went back into the house to google her directions. She entered the information into the computer and waited for the directions. It says there's no such address. "Great! Now what am I going to do with her?", C thought. C found Providence Place and printed those directions and took those outside.
C
Well, it says that address doesn't exist. But, I did find Providence Place on the map and printed those directions.
Stranger
Thank you, Sweetheart! You've been so helpful.
C
You're welcome. You should be armed and dangerous now...have fun!
Stranger
I hope God delivers you something special today.
"Oh, he will" C thought! Hopefully a hot FedEx man and a tank full of sperm!
C
Bye now
12:45 PM: Still no FedEx! I've taken the pups out back for a potty break, made lunch (Tomato Soup & A Grilled Cheese Sandwich - YUM!), and have been chatting with my partner, H, while she slaves away at the office. She spent the morning in meetings and now we're chatting about a diaper bag she saw up for auction. Every year our employer holds a Silent Auction, whose proceeds benefit United Way. Items are donated by each department and employees can bid on any item.
1:12 PM: It's here, It's here! So, the FedEx man was not hot, but he was nice enough to carry the tank inside for me. He asked if I was H and then gave me that inquisitive eye when I said "No, but she lives here".
Here is a picture of what the specimens come in:
Posted by 'C'
Labels: TTC
posted by C&H at
4:32 PM
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