At Home Insemination: Ten Things I Learned Part II

Why do books, brochures, documentaries make the Insemination process sound so easy? A little planning, a donor, the swimmers, choose a method, a squirt and you're done. If only it were that easy!

Adding to my list of things I've learned:

1. Shipping vials of sperm across the United States is expensive and incredibly stressful. For one thing, unless you upgrade to the "two-week" tank or pay for overnight shipping, the specimens are only good for 7 days from the ship date. This time H and I opted not to upgrade the tank or shipping. The vials shipped on the 4th, arrived on the 6th, and were "good" until the 9th. H ovulated on the night of the 8th! Can we time that any closer?


2. "Timing of the ICI procedure is very important, as it should be performed around the time of ovulation to increase the chances of conception." Right, no problem! What are the odds that the FM and OPK are both positive, there is signs of ferning, the cervix position is low, CM is spinning, and the fast lane is wide open, all on the same day? Oh, right, Zero, Zilch, Nada...can that really happen?


3. Shot glasses make excellent vial holders for thawing! They also work well in keeping the vial in a safe place while you run through your "checklist" and get things ready. Lube? Check. Lamp? Check. Pump air out of Syringe? Check. Entertainment? Check. Latex Gloves? Check. H? Check.


4. H and I opted to use a speculum during insemination. Inserting a thin and flexible catheter through the hoo-hoo until it reaches the cervix is harder than it sounds. The speculum makes it easier to "see" what's going on. WARNING: A fully lubed speculum will "stay" in place if you hold it. Letting go at any time could result in someone loosing an eye.


5. For an ICI, you're suppose to place the "swimmers" just before the cervix opening but not inside. Exactly how much is "just before"?


6. If you have long hair, ALWAYS wear your hair up or pulled back. It's dark enough "down there" that you don't need your hair getting in the way.


7. Some "swimmers" will collect on the tip of the speculum. If you want them to travel towards the cervix and not away, it will require some acrobatics as part of both the inseminate-tor and inseminate-tee.


8. Inserting air, no matter how little, will result in hoo-hoo fluffs.


9. If you have any pets (dogs/cats), keep them away from the "clinic"...Hoo-Hoo's smell interesting enough on their own.


10. It's easy to return the Nitrogen tank. It comes with a postage pre-paid label and all you have to do is call to schedule for a pickup. Just leave the tank out on the porch and like magic when you return home from work, it's gone. WARNING: Leaving a suspicious item resembling a rocket on your porch will get the neighbors talking.

ICI #2 is now out of our hands. I feel like we've timed this one right and done everything we can possibly do to make this happen. The process was much easier than the first time. It's almost as if I was a professional...okay so I'm stretching, but I was definitely more confident. It's funny...we wait 13-16 days to Inseminate, only to turn around and have to wait some more. Now we start the TWW...I should be a couple pounds heavier by then, since cooking/baking/eating is one of my favorite coping mechanisms.