Friday, May 8, 2009

May Update

Here's the latest. I'm 6 Weeks 1 Day pregnant and I'm scared to death. Scared to be excited. Scared to be hopeful. Scared NOT to be hopeful. Scared to think of the future. After two miscarriages I don't want to be devastated once again. But on a good note my body is making it hard to ignore. I'm nauseous in the afternoon, I'm bloated, I get heartburn, I get so tired, and my boobs hurt. But then I think how much of my symptoms are being magnified from the progesterone suppositories that I'm sticking in my hoo-hoo every night. I just wish the whole process wasn't such a mind F#ck. For those who may be thinking...Wow she sure doesn't seem grateful to be pregnant when so many can't even get that far... well, I have this to say. Try having two miscarriages back to back and see how much your over the moon to be pregnant. My batting avg is 0. When we started this blog we made a conscious effort to censor allot of our emotions. But f#ck that. This blog is for me and this is real life. And sometimes it SUCKS and that's okay.

I have a doctor appt next week to see how things are progressing. Until then I remain several variations of scared.

On a happier note. We're going to do the lesbian thing tomorrow night. The Indigo Girls are in town and we scored some tickets. Should be fun. I'm always amazed how many of our peeps come out of the woodwork in our town.