Monday, September 8, 2008

Life Plans

It's been a tough 10 days and mostly I've been sad. C thinks I'm suffering from a form of post-partum. Who knows maybe she's right. I just can't seem to stop thinking about my life in terms of weeks. For instance, I would have been 11 weeks today. When do you stop thinking about it? C has been doing a great job of being patient with me. I've been having horrible mood swings. In the mornings I wake up refreshed and ready to go but by noon I'm done. I'm tired of seeing happy little families enjoying their time at the park or in the malls. I can't even go to Star*ucks without seeing a freakin pregnant lady.

It's been hard to know what do next. I've been asking what do we do with our lives now? Everything for the last year has been focused around our plans to have a baby. If we're not doing the baby thing than what do we do? Our life before we started trying seemed fulfilling so why does the thought of going back to it seem so empty? C says that we don't have to make any decisions right now. I need time to physically heal and we both need time to emotionally heal. So we tentatively set a date of my birthday to decide what to do next.

My new game plan was to come up with new goals, new distractions that don't revolve around a baby. I decided to do another 1/2 marathon. I've picked a race but I don't know if I can be ready in less than 6 weeks without injuring myself. My first couple of runs have been crappy. In fact, my first run was a disaster. We decided that we would run some flats and see would run with me for 1.5 miles before I turned around to get the car and pick her up at the 5 mile point. I figured a nice three mile run would do me good. Well for the first 1.5 I did fine. I wasn't happy but I was plugging along with C by my side. Then I headed back by myself to get the car and pick her up. Apparently, I wasn't ready to be run alone. I was a blubbering mess by the time I reached the car. Everything just hit me at once. I'm sure some of the folks on the trail thought I was a bit unstable.

Another one of our distractions is were in the process of buying a house. C loves the hunt but I can't stand it. I see things in our price range and they seem so small and cramped. I want a remodeled house with a yard but unless we hit the lottery that's not going to happen. We've been looking at townhouses with small yards and no garages. How I'm I supposed to fit everything into a 900 Sq Ft house with no storage? C has been hinting at unloading some of our stuff. It's not that were pack rats. We currently have a garage that we keep numerous odds and ends. Some of which is sports related. Where are we going to keep the bikes? Hanging from the ceiling in the living room? C says that we have to take a step back and look at the big picture. According to C these townhouses will be a great investment and we'll should have a decent amount of equity in a few years time. A few years time? I can't even begin to think beyond tomorrow right now.

Anyhoo, that's our lives in a nutshell.